but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize