Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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