I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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