I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
zippers are such a cool invention
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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