I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
