I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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