Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
