Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize