How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
