We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
