I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
