yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
then he tried to convert me to islam
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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