We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
