Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
