He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need moral support for this bender
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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