I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
