No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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