also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
