is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
