As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drake has all the answers
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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