i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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