Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
