he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you didnt know i had herpes?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
