How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
