I feel like abortions should bother me more
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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