somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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