i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drake has all the answers
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
