I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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