when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
