Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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