He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
