walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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