woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
