i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
