i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so let's talk penis.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
