I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
