Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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