just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
