The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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