I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
