So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize