I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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