when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
