Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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