I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
