I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
