what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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