Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
