There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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