I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
