So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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