I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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