why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
