Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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