I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
