is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just invented taco cereal.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
