I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
