He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
