his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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