I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
