if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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