I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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