i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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