You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
