soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
