thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
