I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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