Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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