omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
