she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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