Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
