p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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